The journey to authenticity is a challenging road although I believe it to be probably THE most worthwhile of journeys. For what and who are we if we are not our true authentic selves?

I have been thrust into this line of questioning recently with the approach of my retirement age and I now feel as though I am in a ¾ life crisis of identity, pondering the authenticity of my life thus far and what the heck do I REALLY want to do with the rest of it…..questions not easily or quickly answered. My impending retirement has evoked deep, existential questions and had thrown me off balance, into a roller-coaster of grief and euphoria, leaving me doubting my sanity and wondering about the possibility that I am bi-polar! I’m in the midst of a huge transition and transitions are never clean or comfy’, or easy.

As I look out of my window, I see the autumn leaves putting on a glorious show before they depart their current existence and are repurposed into the damp earth below. In the autumn of my life, I too want to put on a display of colour and life and purposefulness. I’ve spent my life in helping roles, starting with “parentified child”, mother’s little helper, attempting in my childlike naivete to be the emotional peace keeper in my family of origin. Like a rolling stone gathering moss, this template progressed into rescuing, what I now call, “wounded puppies” in romantic relationships, then marriages, children and converging into a career in the healing profession of counsellor.

But is this the REAL me or is it an adaptation of unmet childhood needs? And who am I if I’m not that person? These questions have brought severe anguish, uncovering layers of grief that I thought had long been healed, leaving me laid bare, my heart and soul raw and vulnerable as I traverse this internal journey.

Thankfully, I am calling on much wise counsel, many guides in the flesh and in spirit. I am told I am supported and it’s “my time”, and I believe that. Piece by piece things are becoming clearer.

We all have a unique path to take and it’s time for me to cut away those things that are not for my highest good, that are draining my energy and not satisfying my soul. I am being repurposed, called ‘home’, my authentic self. I am being pruned to bear more fruit, perhaps a different kind.

My journey to authenticity is a deep cleanse. It’s painful. It’s scary. It’s frustrating because the unknown is attached to childhood trauma for me….I want to know more fully and quicker than things are being revealed. In the lapse between inspiration or ideas and fulfilment of desires is a chasm of self-doubt….tossing me this way and that, wrangling with different parts of myself, clarity of needs and questioning what actually IS “good-orderly-direction” for me? (Author Julia Cameron uses this term to describe God). I don’t like this gap, the not knowing, it’s discombobulating. Maybe I need to recognise there is actually a process here, not just some random chaos that I’ve been involuntarily thrown into because I’m near retirement age.

Despite the pain and discomfort, I believe it’s preferable to an unexamined life, as Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. I have choices, autonomy, freedom and for those thigs I am grateful. The journey to authenticity is about learning to trust myself, sit with and experience my griefs, regrets, disappointments, accept them and be compassionate to myself. This is also a choice. Self-judgement and criticism hinder my forward movement and trip me up on the path.

Learning who you really are, without the childhood adaptations, inherited beliefs, societal expectations and accumulated trauma, or rather in spite of them, is a process, born out of discomfort where you are right now in your life, no matter what your age.

Are you happy where you are right now in your life?

Are you being authentically yourself? Or are you on auto-pilot – living out of awareness of your true nature and the divinity within you?

I am working on these things.

Would you like to join me on the journey to YOUR authenticity?

We are all connected. As we raise our own vibration by becoming more in alignment with our authentic selves, our divine spark, we raise the vibration of our families, neighbourhoods, our nation and the planet.

I’d love to hear about your journey to authenticity.

Do tell!

© Karen Lighthouse 2024

Namaste.

Thanks for reading and take care until next time.

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Words by Karen Lighthouse.

I also offer –

• One-on-one counselling/coaching via Zoom
• Group facilitation
• Mental health education
• Oracle card readings

Email me at: karenlighthouse59@gmail.com