I started the year with a goal of being more congruent, for my insides to match my outsides, a desire to speak my truth, honour my values and follow my heart,

Now I am here, at my computer desiring to reconnect with you all.

How do I oil the rusty cogs of my writing brain from such a long absence from it?

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, it’s because I’ve been in transition on numerous levels (work, location, finances), and to some extent, I still am.

Multiple synchronicities set wheels in motion earlier this year towards me fulfilling a long-held dream of mine….moving to the forest. Now, you may think (as I naively did) that if something is “meant to be” or “God’s will” it’ll be easy. Uh-uh. That has not been my experience at all! I’ve doubted myself an embarrassing amount, I’ve wanted to run in the opposite direction and I’ve had multiple battles with professionals, trades people, vendors, purchasers and of course, within myself. Anything but a smooth or “easy” ride.

Am I now convinced I did the “right” thing? When I awake in the morning, hearing the bellbirds welcoming the day and hearing the kereru swoop, I think, yes, absolutely – my heart is serenaded and my nervous system soothed. When I inhale the clean, musky forest earth beneath my feet when I walk the Dennistoun Track a few metres from my door, yes, absolutely.

But it comes with a cost and some of those costs I am feeling more deeply than I anticipated. Making new connections after consciously uprooting myself and planting myself in a new place is not an over-night job. I have lived in Christchurch 40 years and know the place, many people and an abundance of retail therapy opportunities. Not so here. Oh, the natives are friendly, that’s for sure but finding my tribe – that’ll take longer. The energy it takes to navigate the unfamiliar I could not quantify beforehand either.

I’m also teetering on the brink of burn-out, at times falling into a deep well of exhaustion and overwhelm. I cannot afford total collapse, mentally, emotionally or any other way and I’ve been so close to it. So, fulfilling your dreams or “God’s will” is not an easy ride at all. But I see the hand of the Divine in it and am learning to live a new life. Learning new things and adapting to change are supposedly great preventatives against dementia too…..now that’s a bonus!

Right now, healing is the priority, in the form of forest bathing and for that I need to s-l-o-w down! I moved here for many reasons, one of them being to do less. Unfortunately, like tidying the junk drawer, things get messier before they get tidier and I am reluctantly busier than ever….grrrrr. Thankfully, this is a temporary state and as the year winds up to it’s commercial Christmas frenzy, my work life will be winding down and for that I cannot wait. My hopes and prayers are for more time to do the things I love; writing, walking, being creative, connecting with my true self and my beloved family.

Our lives are our lives and no-one can live them for us or force us to do what really does not sit right with us or is not in alignment with our higher selves and our aspirations (unless of course, you are in a war zone or hostage situation, and my heart bleeds for those who are).

I encourage you to listen to your heart. Learning to give ourselves PERMISSION usually entails UN-learning some familiarly ‘safe’ patterns, healing from childhood trauma and disentangling from societal ‘norms’. That work is the most enriching and rewarding you can ever do and the most beneficial for humanity.

What has your year’s journey been like? I would love to hear.

© Karen Lighthouse (2024)

Namaste.

Thanks for reading and take care until next time.

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Words by Karen Lighthouse.

I also offer –

• One-on-one counselling/coaching via Zoom
• Group facilitation
• Mental health education
• Oracle card readings

Email me at: karenlighthouse59@gmail.com