Feelings are not facts. And that’s a very handy fact to know, especially for someone that struggles with depression, like me. Now let me just clarify – that doesn’t mean that feelings should be ignored, dismissed or suppressed. ALL feelings are valid, there is no right or wrong, they are merely indicators that something needs our attention. They can be persistent and demanding, like a child tugging at its mother’s skirt until their needs are met. They are an invitation for some self-exploration, an opportunity to get to know oneself better and live a fuller, more present life.

Often, I find myself feeling glum and not really knowing why. Hormones? Negative self-talk? Boredom? The weather?  There can be many contributing factors, and perhaps one on its own would bounce off. But accumulatively they add up, like rocks in a backpack (rucksack for some of you) that we carry around unawares, they weigh us down. Journalling is a great tool and one way to get some clarity around what’s going on at a deeper level. Listening out for and identifying our self-talk and offering ourselves something more supportive can be really helpful too.

When enquiring about what was going on for me today, I reminded myself today that “feelings aren’t facts”, which helped me shift my perspective from “poor me” to “this too shall pass”. It brought me to a different reality. I became the OBSERVER of my thoughts and feelings rather than a passive passenger in my life journey. I followed this up by one of my favourite questions, “what do I need right now?”. What I needed was to be kind to myself, not judge myself for feeling the way I do and do something self-nurturing.

When feelings dictate our decisions and actions, they navigate our lives and this can be trouble! We can self-sabotage our dreams, goals and purpose and get veered off course. Our feelings are indicators not facts. Ask yourself, has a boundary has been crossed? Have I been abandoning myself to the needs of others and neglecting my self-care? Perhaps we are harbouring resentment..…..  Now that struck a chord with me, which is why writing is SO great – it unearths things – bringing them to the light to be worked through.

Now that I’m more aware of what’s creating the feeling (my self-talk about a perceived wrong) I can DO something with it. Sometimes all that’s needed is to move the body to shift a mood. Yesterday gardening did that for me. Sometimes it’s a walk in the forest where I now live. But, when my brain keeps repeatedly regurgitating the scenario, and I find myself revising conversations in my head (you know, things I woulda, coulda, shoulda said or done), I need to do something completely different (wasn’t that a British TV show back in the day?). This calls for another writing exercise I find helpful and use often, writing a letter not to send. I promised myself I’d do that and never got around to it. Oh, that’s another generator of glum feelings, making vows to yourself and not keeping them. Guilty! You cannot build trust between yourself and your Inner-Child if you don’t do what you say. That’s how trust is earnt right? Words and actions need to match. So, a letter it is, to my perceived perpetrator, spewing forth my gripes, anger and resentments, writing what I wished I’d said, venting and purging myself of this toxic recycling in my head that’s affecting my mood.

What do you do with the letter afterwards? My favourite option is setting fire to it. So, I kept my promise to myself and did just that. Other options include, burying it, which is like composting it back to the earth, or ripping it to shreds. THEN when my brain brings up the same stuff again, inviting me back into the toxic recycling that keeps me stuck (and no doubt it will), I can remind myself that it’s gone, back to the Universe, and intentionally turn my focus on a positive in my life. This way I’m breaking the cycle, rewiring my brain, moving on from this sticky place I often get stuck in.

So:

• Feelings aren’t facts- they are indicators that signal our need for a closer look into our inner world.
• Accept them without judgement.
• Notice what you are saying to yourself.
• Ask yourself what you need.
• Action that.

This will demonstrate to yourself that you are loved and your feelings are valid. It will also communicate to your Inner-Selves that you are trustworthy.

Then go and have a good day.

By the way, if you DON’T have a good day, that’s OK too. Be present with what is and kind to yourself.

Namaste.

© Karen Lighthouse 2025